I wish Pat Green’s “Carry On” was my inspiration for this post, but it’s not. That song always makes me so happy.
I left town yesterday after work. Checked into my hotel and went to run errands and get dinner. Dinner was a cinch, and I just took it back to the hotel to eat. The errands were not.
I need work clothes. I pretty much only wear dresses and stretchy jeans because that is all that fits. I have protested buying anything for long enough. I am not losing the weight and I have no clothes that fit. I am pretty much the same size and shape I was before WW, just 10 lbs lighter. This is horrifying to me. I said I would NEVER be here again. Nothing I do seems to work. I hate Hashi’s, hormones, and all these Dr’s that have no clue.
I went to a store I don’t shop at, but there weren’t many choices. Nothing fit even in the size I am, my body is shaped like it was before. Not so long ago, it was easy and everything fit. Now again I have the big butt, big hips, and a muffin top. I can’t even explain how badly I want to go back to what my normal was for the last 7 years. My heart hurt as I walked out of the store. There were big tears when I got back to my room. ODB tells me it’s a little bump in the road. He’s so sweet about it (he’s the best). I HATE he sees me so upset about this. It seems so very petty and shallow. I bitch about it everyday.
I was so exhausted that after dinner I watched King of the Hill and fell asleep early.
Most of today was a better day. My heart was whole. I smiled, I laughed, and I couldn’t have asked for more. Stuffed avocados, squirrel feeders, baby chicks, and people of Walmart. Yes, I said it. I had fun at Walmart with someone. I hate Walmart.
And then the day ended and I cried. No, I didn’t just cry, I completely broke down before leaving town. The worst it’s ever been. I cried big tears as I drove away and for the next 25 miles after that. Yeah, I am crying again typing this. My heart breaks every time we have to be separated. I was crazy without a phone in SF and being able to talk and text. I have never been that person who is a whiny baby about being away from someone. That was before this. That was before I decided I wasn’t really a bed hog, before I decided Walmart wasn’t so bad together, and we had all of our inside jokes. We make a pretty awesome duo.
In my dreams, I am back to my old “normal” weight and he’s here. All of the time. And there would be way fewer tears.
melissa dishes 