Things I like Thursday. not really

I haven’t done a Things I like Thursday in a while, because I’ve been pretty busy.  

Honestly today I am just not in the mood.  I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.  It’s from stress, nerves, and all kinds of negative stuff. Some heartache thrown in there with it.  😦    Sometimes reality sucks.  Typing with tears in my eyes kind of suck.

All of that is on top of now knowing that someone (different source than above),  is a liar and a coward.  The biggest problem there is the disappointment that someone you once knew, is now someone you’d rather never deal with again.  I’ve referred to that kind of thing as “finding out there is no Santa” kind of disappointment.  Losing respect for someone is never a good feeling.

Wonderful Wednesday

Today was exactly what I needed.  A day off of work.  A day off of work with my ODB.

I think he was a little surprised that I had never been on a golf course before or driven a golf cart.  I only took a few swings and it was very laughable.  He played and I watched.

The scenery was beautiful.  The rain cleared before we got there and the course wasn’t crowded at all, so he got to play alone.  And I got to distract him and annoy him with questions 🙂

The best part was getting to see him in the middle of the week for no reason.  He makes me happier than I’ve ever been.

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Obstacles

So I ran a 5K on Saturday.  My first in over a year.  That should count for something, right?  IMG_2439[1]It was very warm and humid.  I wasn’t ready.  I still have horrible breathing problems.  After 1/2 mile I wanted to quit.  Seriously.

I didn’t.  I ran the whole thing except the 2 water stops, where I paused to drink and catch my breath.

It felt horrible.  I knew I wouldn’t have a stellar time but I wasn’t prepared for the attitude I had toward my finish.

I was disappointed.  It was my slowest 5K since 2007.  I am bigger.  Not in as good of shape.  And I still can’t figure out my breathing issues.  These are all things I’ve not had to deal with in the last 7 years.

I got a 2nd place medal for my age group.   I should have been happy, instead I was in the “2nd place is the first loser camp.”  In my current shape there is no way I could have caught the 1st place gal, it wasn’t even close.  And yes, there was more than 2 people 😉

ODB said he was proud of me.  I’m actually glad he wasn’t there.   It wasn’t one of my proudest moments.  Looking back, I am proud of how I did, even though it wasn’t my best.  It was the best I could do that day in my current state.

It’s hard to accept when you’ve fallen from glory.  Even harder to figure out how to get back there.

Insanity

What do they say?  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

That’s me in a certain relationship.  One that is wearing on me BAD in the last 6 months.  I don’t need the stress of someone who has issues and can’t manage them.  

Compassion only goes so far.  Especially when there is a pattern and history.

Friday the 13th

It’s better than yesterday, that’s for sure.  Although first thing this morning, I had a little fire and was on a war path because of work.  I got that all straightened out early.  I left at 11, which was an hour after I was supposed to leave, but at least I got some piece of mind knowing everything seemed to be done.

Spent half my afternoon online with Dell tech support, trying to fix the sound on my laptop.  It only halfway worked, so I have to mail my computer off to Dell.  The nice surprise is that my warranty is good for a few more days.  It wasn’t a 1 year like I originally thought.

Dr office called and my hashimotos antibodies are still elevated (they’ve never gone done since I have been aware of having them for the last 4 years).  Dr wants me to go on 4 mg LDN in July when I refill.  From what i’ve read, 4.5 is where most people level off.  Also according to her my ultrasound was clean.  She didn’t mention my nodules, so I am not sure if they are really tiny or gone.  Will ask when I see her again.

I’ve been feeling fine lately, minus lack of sleep.  I’ve been trying to get back on track and doing a decent job of it.  Workouts are decent but there is room for improvement.  One thing that has really been bothering me lately is my lymphs.  Twice in the last few weeks my neck, behind my ear, my boobs, and under my arms has been so swollen it’s painful.  Of course, last week at the Dr, they weren’t.  She said maybe it was allergies.  She did bloodwork but since the nurse didn’t mention it on yesterday’s call, I am guessing it showed nothing.  Today my underarms were so painful, it hurt to put deodorant on.  I am hoping this goes away soon.  I remember having this issue briefly before 10 years ago and it went away on its own (saw a Dr that time too).

I really need to get out into the yard to work on a few projects but the mosquitoes have been bad.  But hey, at least it rained.  I just wish rain didn’t mean mosquitoes.