Monday Meltdown

Well the old me would have had a meltdown, at least internally.  Boiling over with frustration and stress.

Current me was just very annoyed.

It started out with almost no sleep last night.  I guess it was tea I drank at dinner with mom.  Who knows.

Then early this morning someone in my staff punted an angry phone call to me.  1.5 hours later, I was finally done.

Then off to the Dr.  Rushed down to South Austin, car riding on fumes.  Waited almost 2 hours to be seen.  My labs we were reviewing for the wrong part of my cycle.  I told her I didn’t know she was testing for that.  Apparently she wasn’t.  The front desk sent the lab the wrong slip.  So thank goodness insurance paid for most of the really expensive useless tests.

She said my thyroid is fine.  She wants to test me in 2 months when I’ve had a chance to try the Naturethroid that apparently her boss changed me to without her knowledge.  Her boss that I’ve never seen.  And no, I didn’t spell that wrong, that’s the weird way they spell it.

She said i’m shedding because it’s that time of year and I am not hyper.

As far as the weight, she told me it’s because i’m old.  That I need to shock my body by throwing it something new.  Something I suck at.  I currently suck at running, but apparently that’s not enough.  She suggested stairmill (which I do already) and rowing.  I am certainly not good at any one thing right now (except being tired of the extra pounds).   I am going to take her up on this and see if it makes a difference.  I don’t have anything to lose (except the parts that don’t fit in my clothes).  It was NOT hard before, I think that is what makes this so much more frustrating.  Well actually I think it’s because I gained in the first place.

And before you roll your eyes, I don’t care what anyone thinks or how much I weigh.  I want to fit into my old clothes, end of story, no matter what scale number that is.  I am 2 sizes bigger than I want to be.  I want to be fit and healthy again.

On the upside, someone thinks I’m smoking hot the way I am.  🙂

Dr says

So I saw my new Dr. on Tuesday afternoon.  It was a long 3 month wait for an appt with him.

A friend asked how it went.  I said “well I didn’t cry on the way home.”  Not even joking on that, i’ve cried after every single Dr. appt in the last 4 years.  A few of them during the appt.  It actually went very well.  He doesn’t do medications (he’s a PHD), just supplements. Any medication I need, like natural desiccated thyroid (NDT) will come from my PCP.

He was straightforward and blunt.  In a caring way.  Told me he treat all of his patients like they are family.  Came in with a handshake and left with a hug.

He talked to me as an athlete and a sister.  Something I haven’t considered myself being for several years.

So there are supplements.  Bust out the “old man” pill box again.  He was appalled at the hormones I had been on, so I am not going back there. Staying on the LDN and NDT now.  Trying what he gave me for 12 weeks.

And then the dietary part.  This is the part I am not wild about.  Mostly because of what it is.  I will do it, because I am more than willing to change what I eat to try to make myself better.  It’s all I’ve done for the last 4 years.  He wants me to do low glycemic/South Beach 1, 2.   BLECH on a diet that is a diet.  And BLECH on lowering carbs.  I like carbs.  I like being healthy and feeling good more.

Hope for tomorrow

I have an appointment tomorrow with a Dr that was recommended to me by the wonderful Terra Castro.
I am praying this is the one who makes a difference and can help guide me back to feeling “normal” again.
I want to run and not be having breathing attacks all of the time.
I want to figure out why I gained this weight and can’t get it off. I want my stomach to not react to every single thing I eat.

Friday the 13th

It’s better than yesterday, that’s for sure.  Although first thing this morning, I had a little fire and was on a war path because of work.  I got that all straightened out early.  I left at 11, which was an hour after I was supposed to leave, but at least I got some piece of mind knowing everything seemed to be done.

Spent half my afternoon online with Dell tech support, trying to fix the sound on my laptop.  It only halfway worked, so I have to mail my computer off to Dell.  The nice surprise is that my warranty is good for a few more days.  It wasn’t a 1 year like I originally thought.

Dr office called and my hashimotos antibodies are still elevated (they’ve never gone done since I have been aware of having them for the last 4 years).  Dr wants me to go on 4 mg LDN in July when I refill.  From what i’ve read, 4.5 is where most people level off.  Also according to her my ultrasound was clean.  She didn’t mention my nodules, so I am not sure if they are really tiny or gone.  Will ask when I see her again.

I’ve been feeling fine lately, minus lack of sleep.  I’ve been trying to get back on track and doing a decent job of it.  Workouts are decent but there is room for improvement.  One thing that has really been bothering me lately is my lymphs.  Twice in the last few weeks my neck, behind my ear, my boobs, and under my arms has been so swollen it’s painful.  Of course, last week at the Dr, they weren’t.  She said maybe it was allergies.  She did bloodwork but since the nurse didn’t mention it on yesterday’s call, I am guessing it showed nothing.  Today my underarms were so painful, it hurt to put deodorant on.  I am hoping this goes away soon.  I remember having this issue briefly before 10 years ago and it went away on its own (saw a Dr that time too).

I really need to get out into the yard to work on a few projects but the mosquitoes have been bad.  But hey, at least it rained.  I just wish rain didn’t mean mosquitoes.

 

 

Terrible Tuesday

So I went to the Dr on Tuesday.  Mostly because I hadn’t been since January and I wanted my NP Accella thyroid refills upped.

The Dr was snarky with me, as usual.  I told her I didn’t feel any different on the hormones, so I stopped taking them.  She snapped at me that my labs were obsolete then.  Fine, so be it.  She didn’t suggest I start taking them again.

I told her, I feel good, but the weight and digestion issues are killing me.  Her response had tears of anger and frustration welling up in my eyes.  I fought them back and took her lashing.  She told me, “you are getting older, and you have a slower metabolism because of the hashis.  Move more, eat less.”  I pointed out to her nurse that I didn’t have a weight issue until I was under her care for the last year.

I wanted to scold her and tell her to go back and read my file.  Yes, I have scaled the running and workouts back, but I still move alot more than your average person.  I eat cleaner than your average person.

I started taking LDN again a couple of weeks ago for inflammation (in AM, because I never got past the sleep issues on it), along with diatomaceous earth for my tummy.  I feel better.  I’ve lost 6 lbs.  It’s far from where I need to be, but it’s progress.

New Dr doesn’t prescribe drugs, so I will be using him for general care and current Dr. for the LDN and thyroid meds only.  Current Dr. ordered a new thyroid ultrasound (been a couple of years) and some different lab work.  We will see where this goes.

On the way home, in the horrible IH35 traffic, I had a fender bender and my pretty car is now damaged 😦  That was just icing on the cake.

It’s a good thing I have such a wonderful boyfriend.  He took me to dinner, where we enjoyed the rest of the gorgeous day and each other’s company.  I almost forgot about the car and my Dr appt.

Beginner

I feel like I did just over a year ago when it comes to running.  Defeated.  I can’t breathe.  I can hear myself and I sound like that person I always want to smack at events.  My legs are heavy.  I am slow, slow, slow.  I can only imagine what I look like.  None of my running clothes fits.  I refuse to buy new clothes, so it’s too small running skirts, pouring myself into capris, or unflattering Nike tempo shorts.

July 8th can’t come fast enough.  I don’t want to go see my regular Dr. before I see the new guy, but I may have to.  I had my labs done 2 months ago and I never had a followup, which isn’t like me.  I already had my heart set on seeing new guy.  Praying he has a cancellation that I can take before July. 

Despite all of that, it’s good to know I have a cheerleader who believes in me and supports me no matter what.  Although, as much as a cry and whine to that person, I am surprised they haven’t run for the hills.

Drowning in chocolate

I had my 2nd phone appointment with my health coach last Thursday.  She said cut the coffee, caffeine sources, fat, and stress.  We went over different types of stress I may have missed pinpointing.

Coffee wasn’t hard.  I hadn’t been drinking it again for long.  Fat?  I had been eating more healthy fat in the last few years, she said cut it way back.   And I hadn’t had sodas in years, but ODB drinks diet Coke like crazy, so I started drinking Coke Zero again occasionally.

And stress?  That’s a tough one.  Work changes have my stress elevated.   People being non-responsive and non-committal has me stressed.  And the biggest stress is my worrying.  Worrying about my flowerbed that needs to be redone because I took a short cut, worrying about my washing machine leaking, worrying about my weight gain, worrying about symptoms coming back, and most of all, worrying about my relationship with ODB. I’ve never really been a stress eater, but twice this week, I’ve found myself stress eating.

First time was after coming back with my day with ODB.  The other was this evening.  A whole bag of chocolate covered nuts.  Both times I was feeling down about him being so far away. Honestly I feel like shit right now.  I ate way too much of something I am not supposed to have at all.   I thought I had a pretty good day today.  Gym, afternoon with mom, and then back home.  Traffic sucked, but that’s Austin.  The one thing that brought me down, other than the fact it’s hot, is a very short call from ODB.  It’s always good to hear from him, but sometimes the weekend calls make me sad.

Tomorrow is a new day.  Back to AIP.  Back to my workout routine.  And the stress?  Figuring out how to manage it better and making some changes.