Down day

Today was a day of randomness and I couldn’t have loved it more.  

Breakfast at my hotel, coffee, shopping, late lunch at a Burger dive, a little exploring all over town, random strolling through my favorite deli store, helping with a task, and some RNR.  

10 hours of pure nonstop happiness.  I need that more often.  The more the better.  I deserve more happy.

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Happy in Houston

I honestly think Houston is my favorite work trip location….

  • I love my coworkers in our office here
  • So many friends of mine in Houston, including people I don’t see enough and work friends
  • Food.  Good food.  Hard decisions where to eat.  I somehow always gravitate to Phoenicia and Whole Foods.  They are easy and quick and my go to at least once per trip here.
  • I love running in new places.  I drove to Rice University twice this week.
  • Dinner dates with friends
  • Guess I need to add that I am apparently get applause for no reason for entering meetings 🙂
  • It’s so nice to be out of the office!

Things I like Thursday: Whole Heart

It’s been a while since I have done a “Things I like Thursday.”  It’s kind of sad.  I’ve been kind of busy.

I worked Thursday, Friday and Monday at my seasonal job ( Easter and Mother’s Day season).  I didn’t go home for Easter and I didn’t think it would bother me.  I don’t particularly care for the holiday because of a couple of bad things that happened around the holiday in the past (Sheldon and my grandmother died suddenly and tragically about 14 years apart).  It did bother me.  I missed the holiday mostly because I haven’t really seen my dad in a few months and I didn’t get to see my godson and BFF.

Anyhow, back to the point of the post.   I am really looking forward to next week.  When my heart is whole again, at least for a few days.   Bonus is running in places I don’t get to see often, seeing friends, maybe baseball, eating awesome food, and being away from work!  I hate wishing the days away before then, but it’s a long weekend.  I work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at my seasonal job before I am able to jet out of here!

Another plus today, I stepped out on a limb and talked to a health coach today.  We will see where this goes for my health issues.  I’ve gotta keep pushing forward until that July Dr. appt!

 

Everyone’s gotta getaway

I wish Pat Green’s “Carry On” was my inspiration for this post, but it’s not.  That song always makes me so happy.

I left town yesterday after work.  Checked into my hotel and went to run errands and get dinner.  Dinner was a cinch, and I just took it back to the hotel to eat.  The errands were not.

I need work clothes.  I pretty much only wear dresses and stretchy jeans because that is all that fits.   I have protested buying anything for long enough.  I am not losing the weight and I have no clothes that fit.  I am pretty much the same size and shape I was before WW, just 10 lbs lighter.  This is horrifying to me.  I said I would NEVER be here again.  Nothing I do seems to work.  I hate Hashi’s, hormones, and all these Dr’s that have no clue.

I went to a store I don’t shop at, but there weren’t many choices.  Nothing fit even in the size I am, my body is shaped like it was before.  Not so long ago, it was easy and everything fit.  Now again I have the big butt, big hips, and a muffin top.  I can’t even explain how badly I want to go back to what my normal was for the last 7 years.  My heart hurt as I walked out of the store.   There were big tears when I got back to my room.   ODB tells me it’s a little bump in the road.  He’s so sweet about it (he’s the best).  I HATE he sees me so upset about this.  It seems so very petty and shallow.  I bitch about it everyday.

I was so exhausted that after dinner I watched King of the Hill and fell asleep early.

Most of today was a better day.  My heart was whole.  I smiled, I laughed, and I couldn’t have asked for more.  Stuffed avocados, squirrel feeders, baby chicks, and people of Walmart.  Yes, I said it.  I had fun at Walmart with someone.    I hate Walmart.

And then the day ended and I cried.  No, I didn’t just cry, I completely broke down before leaving town.  The worst it’s ever been.  I cried big tears as I drove away and for the next 25 miles after that.  Yeah, I am crying again typing this.  My heart breaks every time we have to be separated.  I was crazy without a phone in SF and being able to talk and text.   I have never been that person who is a whiny baby about being away from someone.  That was before this.  That was before I decided I wasn’t really a bed hog, before I decided Walmart wasn’t so bad together, and we had all of our inside jokes.  We make a pretty awesome duo.

In my dreams, I am back to my old “normal” weight and he’s here.  All of the time.  And there would be way fewer tears.

13 secrets women never tell

13 secrets women never tell

I read that and thought, hmm, I am sure most don’t, but I WILL!

He Hurt Me More Than I’ll Ever Tell-I am not sure this is exactly true.  If I haven’t told, it’s because I haven’t remembered things.

I’ll Never Be Prettier Than She Is-This is true, who doesn’t think that about someone at least once in their lives?  It’s not something that I think often at all though.

I’m Scared Of Becoming My Mother-Yes.

I’m Scared I Won’t Become My Mother-In a way.  My mom is a great mom.

I Really Don’t Think I’m Getting Married-Yes.  I am pretty sure I never will, and I am not sure how I feel about that.

I’m Afraid Of Getting Old And Ugly-Yes.  Hashi’s and the adrenal stuff haven’t been kind to me in the premature aging department.  I look way older than I did a few years ago.  It’s life, but I don’t have to like it.

I Wish I Never Slept With Him-I’ve actually never thought this.

I Think About Sleeping With Him A Lot-Guilty.  ODB is always on my mind.

I’m Not Going To Be Able To Get Pregnant-From what I’ve been told, this is probably true.  I am still torn on having children and currently it’s not an option.  I don’t make enough money to support myself and a child and my relationship doesn’t lend itself to that either.

I Sometimes Think About Plastic Surgery-Did.  I laughed at this one because it said it’s for the fake.  Consider me fake.

I Could Be A Lesbian-Thought about it yes.  Am I, no.

I Hate My Best Friend Sometimes-I’ve never hated her.  I guess my love for her is different than others.  When she got married I was exposed to some nasty jealousy.  I didn’t feel it at all.  I was overjoyed.  I however, in the years since, have been jealous of her before because her husband is sweet and shares the chores and does random nice things for her.  I didn’t have that like she did.  No longer an issue, I have that now, it’s just far away.

I Want To Be Beautiful-What woman doesn’t want to be beautiful?