Hope for tomorrow

I have an appointment tomorrow with a Dr that was recommended to me by the wonderful Terra Castro.
I am praying this is the one who makes a difference and can help guide me back to feeling “normal” again.
I want to run and not be having breathing attacks all of the time.
I want to figure out why I gained this weight and can’t get it off. I want my stomach to not react to every single thing I eat.

Wake up!

Man was today a rude awakening.  I woke up tired, although I slept all night.  I looked like heck at work today, I didn’t fix my hair and looked completely wrecked.  And work was, well, irritating is the best word I have for that.  Of course ODB was there to comfort me via telephone.  He’s a blessing for sure.  And an angel for putting up with my rants today and any day I am a grump.  Luckily I am a happier person overall in the last 10 months.

Called the Dr. I am seeing in July, only to find out I was not wait-listed.  Sad hamster.  I am now, but they prioritize by disease, so I am probably at the bottom of the list.  Which thankfully, is a good thing.  He treats a lot of cancer patients, which is understandable that he would want to see them first.

I am not feeling great lately.  The health coach I saw had me add certain things back into my diet which I am thinking are a no.  I am talking to her again on Thursday.  We will see what she says.  Not only am I always super bloated, but my fatigue is coming back, and my asthma or whatever it is, is pretty horrible.  Now overall, I am not talking as bad as 2-3 years ago.  Just not as good as I had been feeling.  Normal.  That’s what I am aiming for.  I just want to be normal!

Here’s to a better rest of the week.  It’s going to be a busy one for sure.  In addition to regular work, I work 6 days in a row at my seasonal job.  OUCH!

Marvelous Monday

It was a pretty fantastic day!

Won a fancy kitchen knife in a drawing.

Finally got the calendar refills for my agenda.  I can breathe now!  I was freaking out not having my calendar.  Yes.  I keep E-calendars and paper.

I got my adrenal tests back.  NORMAL,  in fact she said I am better than most she sees.  She does think that changing job functions to something less stressful and removing personal stress out of my life played a big role.  So I am staying low on the running and we’ll see if I can manage it.

My thyroid, D, and a few other things are still messed up, but she had some ideas on what to do.

As far as my weight gain?  No suggestions.  I told her I was evaluated by the clinics weight loss center and they turned me away.  She didn’t believe me.  I told her I had the email confirmation.  She said they never turn anyone away.  Well if I am not a candidate, i’m not. And I don’t believe in drugs or diets.   I eat right and exercise regularly.  I journal.  Things they make their non-drug patients do, I already do.

Speaking of diet, not dieting.  I started autoimmune paleo on 1.1.14.  As if I don’t have enough stuff cut, I am trying it for 3o days to see if it reduces inflammation and other things.  I miss nightshades.  And nuts.  And all my favorite spices contain nightshades, so I am using a lot of herbs and salt and pepper.  30 days isn’t that long, and then I can reintroduce things slowly and see what reacts and what doesn’t.  Already discovered a few weeks ago that almonds are a no.  SAD.

Overall a good day.  We will see how this football game ends.  WAR EAGLE!

2013: Year in Review

I honestly don’t remember a whole lot from 2013, especially the first half.  To be honest, looking back, 2013 was just ok overall.  Majority of the year was stressful workwise, especially until September.

January

I don’t remember much except that I was supposed to run Disney and I couldn’t.  3 month running hiatus due to adrenal issues.

Hosted godson’s baby shower.  Sorority chapter at Texas State activated.  Poured myself into yoga.

I do remember legislative session was in full swing.  I was working A LOT.

February

More legislative session, not running, and tired.

Our secretary at work died 😦

8 year anniversary with Dan.

My godson was born!!!

Had surgery at the end of February.

Got a stand up desk (YAY!)

March

More legislative session.  Stress.  Recovering from surgery.  SXSW.

Couldn’t defend my Thin Mint Sprint title 😦  Volunteered instead.

I started run-walking at the end of March.  It SUCKED.  I couldn’t control my breathing.

April

More legislative session.  Stress.  No rain.  More work stress.

San Francisco for LUNA Summit with all but 1 of my teammates.  Great time!  Started run-walking more.

May

More legislative session.  Stress.  No rain.  More work stress.  Traveled a little for work.  Dan’s parents came for a visit.

June

Legislative session over!  Still no rain.

Changed doctors.

I became a Godmother.

Jalapeno Half in Fort Worth.  The only summer race I’ve ever done, may be my last!  Great weekend with mom and sister.

Turning point with work role.  New assignment.  Still no rain.

July

Working my old duties AND new duties at work.  Still no rain.  In fact, it got worse.

Work trip with visits with some of favorites.

Vacation booked to Hawaii.

Stopped doing yoga much at all.

Finally got some overdue appreciation during a big work event.

Had a big weight gain out of no where (big for a short amt of time and my frame).  I didn’t change my food or exercise.  Frustrated.

August

This was the turning point of the year.

Went to see Jason Boland and Pat Green in New Braunfels and had a wonderful time with a bunch of old friends.  It was very reminiscent of the old days.

I separated from Dan.  Hardest thing i’ve ever had to say/do.  He agreed it was right.

Hawaiian vacation cancelled.

September 

September was the longest month of my life.  Trying to get the last 8.5 years of my life sorted out.

I decided to live in our house until October.  After October 1, we would go our separate ways.   Except my way was me leaving my house.  My home.  Moved in with my sister.  He kept our house.

I only told my family and closest friends about the split.  That’s what he and I agreed to.

Spent a week in Houston to “find myself.”  Friends, family, sports, food.  To sum it up, it was a “game changer.”

Dove into my new work role 100% and made the decision to stop letting others dump on me.

October 

Started over.  No home.  No money.

Overwhelming support from my family, friends, and coworkers.

Traveled a lot.  2 work trips and a trip to San Francisco for the Nike Women’s half.  Great memories made.  Love SF.

Started getting back to many things I used to do pre-Dan.  Things I put aside because he didn’t like them or I no longer had time.

Once word started to get out that I was single, it spread like wildfire.  All of a sudden I had texts and messages from people who wanted to date me.  This was very foreign and unexpected.  Actually, uncomfortable.

November 

A little more work travel.

Not feeling great running.  No energy.  Not having an easy time lugging extra weight either.  Shiner Half was perfect weather for me, but the race for me was anything but.

I started missing my old house.  My stuff.  Being hostess for Thanksgiving.

Got my first Christmas job.  It was a great idea.  Not much money, but good people and warm hearts.

December

By far the best month of the year to me.  Despite missing my old house again.  My fireplace.  My Christmas tree.

I had another great month at work.  Got a raise.  Got lots of kudos.

I learned patience. Or the closest I will ever get to it.

I learned the true meaning of love.  Watching my godson open his Christmas gift.  Spending a weekend in yoga pants and an over-sized sweatshirt.  Carefully selected groceries.  Listening to others.

Cut back the running to almost nothing.

Waiting on salivary cortisol test to come in.  Fingers crossed my adrenals are fine.

~~I am almost 20 lbs heavier than I started the year.  I don’t have my own place.  Another whole year of frustrating visits to the doctors with no answers.

Even with those things hanging over my head, this year was ok.  I know 2014 is going to be a big year for me.  Big for my career, big for my health, and big for my relationships.   I will love more and work less.  This year I will NOT let vacation time roll!!!

I am going to make a new home for myself.  Spend more time with my godson.  Spend more time with family and friends.  Spend more time on me.

Back from the Dr.

So the Dr. visit went ok yesterday.  My pelvic ultrasounds were both 100% normal.  My hashi’s anti-bodies were up.

I just about burst into tears when the nurse weighed me.  Really?  I’ve gained 7 lbs since my last visit 😦

Because of the weight issues, she thinks the progesterone is off.  So she lowered that.  And put me on low dose naltrexone.  I looked it up and they use it to treat all kinds of things from AIDS, to cancer, to MS, to autoimmune issues.   I take it at night and for the first week it’s supposed to wreck my sleep.  It did last night!  I am not tired today….yet.

She let me drop the iron, but I have a bunch of other supplements I still have to take.

So that’s it in a nut-shell.  Fingers crossed this brings me one step closer to normal. 🙂

 

Adrenal woes

I just about fell out of my chair when I watched this video for the first time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOulFw08K3c

I described me to a “T”.

The part about the shoulders and quads almost made me cry.  That belly?  Yeah, I have that really bad.  In fact, i’m stuffed into the pants I am wearing right now.  HEARTBREAKING.  I busted the seat of my white pants last week.  Time to move into dresses I guess.  I seriously look pregnant.

I am in the works on making more changes.  I’ll admit, it’s hard to stay optimistic when I’ve already had to cut so much!

New rules:

  • 8 hours sleep minimum.  I’d been pretty good at this, but now I am going to push for a little more.
  • Monitoring sleep patterns with Sleep Bot (thanks Nicole!) So far I know that I get up around the same time every night.
  • Naps when I can.  I am anti-nap, especially during the week.  I napped Saturday and Sunday and it was grand.
  • No more coffee.  I hadn’t been drinking regular, but now I am nixing my occasional decaf too.  No caffeine.  I will still have dark chocolate on occasion.
  • Cutting the running
  • More yoga
  • More saying no
  • Trying not to worry so much
  • Cutting back on toxic people in my life
  • Trying to take more days off from work
  • Trying to ask for more help when I need it.  (already hard, because i’m doing 2 jobs right now) I’m learning something new and there is no one to learn from.
  • Scheduling a vacation or two.  It’s been almost a year since I’ve had more than a couple days off in a row.

I am bound and determined to reverse this stupid issue and get back to feeling normal again.  I feel good more often than not these days, but my body is obviously telling me were aren’t fixed yet 😦

Heck yes!

So I’ve been on my new med/supplement schedule for almost a week.  The iodine didn’t come until Saturday, so that’s been a little less time.

OMG.

I feel alive again.  Seriously.  I have energy, I am not tired, but despite that, I was able to sleep ALL night last night.  I usually get up 2-5 times a night, but last night I didn’t wake up until 4:15 and I was getting up at 4:40 anyhow, so I consider that a full night’s rest.

My fingers are crossed that this isn’t a “honeymoon” phase and this magic doesn’t go away.

I called the NP today to talk to her about my test results and left a message that I forgot I took my meds right before the appt, so the results will be skewed.  Waiting to hear back from her on what I will need to do.  Hopefully we are re-testing that.

Happy dance!

Things I like Thursday: my new Dr.

Ok, well I think I like her.  I’ve only seen her once.  And she’s not a Dr., she’s a PA.   She was super smart and so easy to talk to and SO full of energy.  Just talking to her made me happy!

So I found her on Facebook.  Don’t laugh.  I belong to like 10 hormone, adrenal, and thyroid groups on Facebook.  Someone asked for a referral in Austin area and 2 others chimed in about this lady.  So I wrote down her name and made an appointment in early April and had my first visit with her yesterday.  Her office is pretty far from work and home, but if she’s awesome, she’s worth it.

My favorite thing is, that she’s into trying natural approaches.  She took me off of the estradiol patch, testosterone, DHEA, and halved the progesterone.   She added 3 supplements, 2 to help with girl problems and the other to help my iodine levels and a probiotic.  So I am still on quite a few things, but less hormones and drugs.  Now the majority is supplements.

Girl problems?  Yes.  I haven’t had a cycle in over 2 years.  That’s why the other Dr. had me on estradiol and progesterone.  I was on both for about 8 months and the patch most recently, which I HATED.  Talk about water retention?  Yeah.  Not pretty.  She didn’t like me being on all of that and to be honest, I didn’t like it either.  I don’t care if I have a cycle, I just want to be HEALTHY. She told me that everything should fall into place eventually and she thinks she can make my girl stuff and my stomach work right.  Those things should be corrected when my hormones and other imbalances are fixed.

She said we’ll see how I do on this regiment for a month or so, and then test my levels to see what is going on.  They did a thyroid panel yesterday on my way out, but i’d taken my PM dose like an hour before that, so it’ll likely be skewed.  I forgot to remind her of that before I went to the lab.

So here we go again.  New medical expert, new plan.  Fingers are crossed that this is what makes the world of difference in my health and how I feel 🙂

Powers of healing

Minus Tuesday, which was a super high stress day at work, I have been feeling GREAT!  Like I stayed out until 3 am on Saturday morning and I didn’t take a nap Saturday OR Sunday (although for my adrenals, that a nap probably would have been wise).  And I have actually slept at night!  Granted, I am still waking up at least twice, but once of those is by alarm to take my early morning dose of thyroid.

What have I been doing other than the new supplements, along with my regular medication?

Yoga.  I did Yoga, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  My favorite of course is the class at Lululemon.  I wish they were having them there in February.  I did a small amount of Galloway before yoga on Sunday and it felt fine.  But my issue wasn’t always how I felt, it was what my body reacted to on the inside.  I haven’t done it again since.  Maybe today.

Giving.  I took half a day off on Friday, so I could volunteer for the Rogue 10k/30K packet pick-up.  I may have played hookie 🙂  I got to hang out with my gal Jenn and meet some new people.

Fun.  Dinner at Garrido’s with Dan and our friend Heather on Friday night.

Is it just me, or does Dan’s steak, over potato cakes with giant roasted jalapeno on top look kind of naughty?  Yeah, 90% of their menu is GF, I think he ordered that to keep me paws off of it (the potato cakes aren’t GF).

DanGarridos

I got steak too, sorta.  We didn’t eat dinner until late, so this was actually a 2nd light dinner for me.  There was no way I could wait until 8:30 to eat!mkGarridos

 Drive By Truckers show at the new Emo’s east after dinner.  If it weren’t for drunk college kids, it would have been the perfect evening.  Music heals.  This girl doesn’t do front row for ANYONE anymore.  But no matter what I say or how crazy the crowd is, I ALWAYS end up in the front row for DBT!

That’s my trying to be artistic pic of my Alabama guy, watching our favorite band from Alabama!
dan dbt

We didn’t get home until 3 am.  WHEW!  Long Friday was SO worth it.  Exactly what we needed.

Saturday and Sunday, I worked on a few projects that were long overdue and did my taxes.  Now I am waiting for Dan to do his, to decide who claims the house (depends who benefits more $ from it).

Besides some stress hiccups from work, I am feeling GOOD!  Praying this lasts!

Bigger granny pill box

I’ve been so busy lately with work and last weekend’s trip to San Antonio and San Marcos, I haven’t had much time for anything.  I’ve been trying to get extra sleep like I was told, but that certainly didn’t happen this weekend and it’s been hard this week.  I already feel like I only work and sleep with 7-8 hours a night!  I am supposed to be working on 8-10 hours a night.  This is especially hard when I wake up 3-4 times a night.

Went to the Dr. today.  Saw the nurse practitioner, which was good, because it’s the one I actually like 🙂  I’d originally become upset when I found out I couldn’t see the Dr, but this lady I like, so we were good.  She’s a pretty smart cookie, so I don’t mind seeing her.  The other nurse, I do not like AT ALL.

I’ve known for almost a month now that I have adrenal fatigue.  I cut all working out except walking and yoga at the beginning of the month.  I’d just been waiting to talk to someone specifically about the results.

Today she expanded on my test results and what they mean.  Yes, I have adrenal fatigue.  My seratonin, GABA, and epinephrine are all low.  My DHEA is low even though I take DHEA.  I was told this is because my body is likely robbing DHEA because of cortisol issues.

My histamines are high.  From my report: Histamine value is on a high end especially with Vitamin C on board. Vitamin C blocks histamine excretion from mast cells. GI distress is most likely playing a role in your histamine level and the very low synthesis of serotonin since most of it is manufactured in the GI tract.

Everything she said made sense.  My body isn’t using and/or producing hormones like it should.  So I have to fix that.  I have to supplement what my body isn’t converting, not with more hormones (although I have some that I am already on), but with more supplements.photo

I now have a load of pills I have to take everyday.  I told her I wanted to get off of stuff and not be on pills forever (well except thyroid, that’s pretty much forever).  She said 6 months on the supplements and when those hopefully balance my other hormones, we can start backing off of most everything.  Gosh I hope so!  I need a bigger granny pillbox and a schedule, because now I have way too many pills and times to take things.  I went from everything in AM and 1 thing at night, to more stuff in AM, 1 at lunch, and more night stuff.  SHEESH!  I HATE HATE HATE medication and I never take anything unless I have to, so all of these pills are making me nuts.

Activity.  Well I got a pat on the back for walking and yoga (and for sticking to it).  She told me I could do really tiny Galloway stints.  I think I am going to stick to walking and yoga for at least another week, to give my body more rest.  I want to run, but I want to be better more.

Hoping I start healing and feeling better.  I feel ok, but I so very much want to feel and look like the old me!